The Uncola

You’ve heard the rumors.

“The formula is top secret. They keep it locked in a radiation-proof bunker 60,000 ft below the surface of the middle of the Mojave desert.”

“No way. Everyone knows that they coded the recipe on a chip and implanted in the cranial cavity of an anonymous suburban house-wife. When they need it they send out high-frequency radio waves and activate her a la the Manchurian Candidate.”

“You guys are both wrong. Why would they keep the whole formula in one place? Duh. Each member of the board has memorized one part of the recipe. And once every decade they gather on a boat in international waters to initiate new board members, pass along the knowledge, and bet on endangered monkey fights.”

Who’s to say what is or isn’t true? All I’m saying is that the New York Times published a recipe back in 2014 that’s very similar to the infamous Coke. In class we took some liberties with that recipe to create our own un-cola version of “capitalism’s dirty water.” And this week was all about experimenting with flavor profiles and expanding our mind’s palate. Or our palate’s mind.

My secret ingredients? Pretzels and Twizzlers. Two matches made in heaven with Coke.

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The real ingredients
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Added to the Twizzler syrup
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The final concoction

By every measure there was no way that this should have been fit for human consumption…but…it was decent! Not great. I wouldn’t serve this to anyone who wasn’t was nursing or pregnant. But it was drinkable, and even, dare I say? Enjoyable.